Vote for Mike? No way

Par Lyn Cockburn

La nation québécoise vue du Canada

Thanks a bunch, Mr. Ignatieff. Bad enough you insulted the entire state of Israel, but now you've brought up that wonderfully divisive issue of Quebec sovereignty.

What, you didn't think mentioning Quebec and nation in the same sentence is problematic, creates possible constitutional issues and is, to put it delicately, dumb?

I remember where I was on Oct. 30, 1995. I was out of the country, just like you. I was in Washington, D.C., on a media travel junket. There were seven of us, six anglos and one Quebecoise, a delightful woman who no doubt wondered what on earth she was doing watching TV in a hotel room in D.C. with a bunch of anglos. We were waiting for the referendum results, anxious lest we witness the breakup of a country we love.

When the results were announced, six of us jumped up off the bed, off the floor, off the couch and threw our arms around the French woman. We hugged her, kissed her on both cheeks, shook her hand, patted her on the back and said over and over again: "We're so glad you're still with us! We love you!"

She seemed pleased by our reaction and there is now in Quebec at least one French woman who knows all anglos are not uptight idiots who don't care about la belle province.

Sound hokey, Mike? May be it was, but we meant it. And many of us out here don't want to go there again. Ever.

Sure we understand Quebec's desire to be recognized as a distinct entity within Canada and many of us have no problem with that because we have already accepted that distinction.
We just don't want to get into constitutional wrangles. So Quebec didn't sign on when we repatriated our constitution from Britain in 1982. So what? The very country we repatriated it from doesn't have one (instead, except in a lovely democratic muddle, it has a bunch of important papers, which if you smushed them all together would sort of constitute a constitution).
Anyway, how's that for irony? And for your info, neither does Israel. So leave the Canadian constitution alone, OK?
But, there's something more, Mikey. You annoy me. You irritate my DNA. You speak and the eczema above my right eyebrow gets worse.

It's that "I'm-Michael-Grant-Ignatieff-and-you're-not" attitude that emanates from your pores like pollutants from the rear end of an SUV.
How does one get the tattoo which states privilege off one's forehead? Don't know, but there's a tat shop called Angel of Mercy just around the corner that you might want to consult.
It's also that "If-you-just-pay-attention-you'll-get-it" attitude left over from your days as a professor at Cambridge, Oxford and Harvard.

Now before you get the impression that I spit on education, may I point out that I have one and besides, ladies don't spit. Much. Although, Mike, sometimes your attitude makes me want to.
Anyway, the trick about having a good education is never to talk down to, hector or lecture your audience, friends, lovers or even your enemies.

Better yet, is to not even think you've got anything to talk down to them about. You, on the other hand, always seem to be trying too hard to appear like a man of the people. Trying too hard is a sure way to commit political suicide and you, sir, are stumbling towards your deathbed.

And by the way, you sir are no Iggy. There is only one Iggy and he plays right wing for the Calgary Flames, a position in which he is always comfortable and sometimes brilliant. He does not trip over his own skates.

You though, are all over the place, so that while we know you're playing a game, we're not sure which one or exactly what position you're taking. Or whose skates you're wearing.

Moreover, I have had the pleasure of seeing Jarome Iginla in several TV interviews and he impresses me as a thoughtful, well-spoken person who knows what he's talking about. Perhaps you can take lessons.

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